Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
