Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
