Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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