Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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