i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
