Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
