I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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