Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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