I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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