Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
bring money and cleavage
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize