Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
