We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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