so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
