I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
