just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
