and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
