2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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