i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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