I'm lost and stupid without you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
