he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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