It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
