He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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