I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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