4 words: hood of his car
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
