He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
