she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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