don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
