I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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