is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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