Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
