i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
