Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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