Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
