OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
