pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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