If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
