Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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