Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
