dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
