She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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