I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
