I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
