overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
