the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
