So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
