he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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