So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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