How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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