i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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