They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
