She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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