If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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