Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
