his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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