Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
