Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
