I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
