Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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