K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
