i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
