i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
