I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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