peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
