Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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