if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
