i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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