"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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